It was the first time I had ever held such a small baby. I had never held anyone’s baby before my own. I had a hurricane of mixed feelings when I first held my little bundle of joy.
To start with expressing my emotions, I said “WOW” and then “OMG!! '' She's so tiny and fragile, but, am I holding her correctly. Is she comfortable, is she going to cry, is she hungry? How the hell do you breastfeed? Is she latching correctly? How am I going to manage when I get home?
There we so many questions that kept popping up in my head.
I started getting nervous and restless thinking about how everything would turn out to be?
But eventually, after we came home from the hospital, things slowly fell into place, or little did I know that it was the beginning of another roller coaster ride.
My Bhabi decorated the house with balloons and a huge welcome sign. There was a small photo frame with me, hubby and our new born baby placed by my bedside. My nephew, Kabir was super duper excited to welcome his new born baby sister home.
Everyone was so happy and my hubby was over the moon.
So, after seeing all this I sat down on the bed and started crying.
I have no clue.
I guess the baby blues decided to kick in! =[
My Bhabi and my husband sat down next to me and asked me why I was crying. I said “I don’t know”. And my tears just kept rolling down my cheeks. It was so beautiful. I was so touched.
But, I couldn’t figure out what was happening to me.
To add the cherry on top, my husband fell sick after coming back from the hospital, so he maintained distance from me and Reya (my beautiful baby) so we don’t catch any infection. I was so used to having him around and he suddenly disappeared. It made me feel empty.
I also felt hollow from inside. Its kinda stupid but I missed my baby kicking and jumping around in my womb.
Few days went by. I got used to having a small delicate little baby sleep next to me. Don’t even get me started about breastfeeding. That’s all she wanted to do all day. Stick to mama.
Initially, she used to sleep through the night. But that also changed. I used to feel like an owl, sitting there in the room with my baby stuck to my boob, while everyone else is fast asleep. The house used to be so bloody quite.
Eventually I got used to that as well.
It took me a while to understand my baby blues. My bhabi would come and sit with me to chat. I would see her and start crying. I would wonder how everything has suddenly changed. She told me, her sister used to do the same thing to her as well after she had a baby. She would go visit her sister and she would burst out in tears.
Then, I wondered how my mother went through all of this?
How did she manage all by herself??
How do all women go through this phase of life?
How do people have so many children? And manage them?
When will things get better?
To add on to all of this drama, I got piles post pregnancy. I had already developed a fissure during pregnancy. This made it even worse. So, for me to poop was really really painful. I shouldn’t be saying this. I never pooped once a day. So you can imagine.
I was a mess.
I remember this one time after using the loo I was in so much pain I just hugged my mother-in -law from her tummy and started howling. I’ve never hugged her so tightly.
I told her “Mummy, I’m TIRED!” “Please make it all go away!”
My stitches were sore. My bum was throbbing. My emotions were haywire. I just wanted it all to go away! (This was all in the first week by the way)
But, slowly in time it did, go away.
I underwent surgery for my piles and fissure a month later. So that was sorted. My baby blues slowly disappeared. And of course the soreness from the c-section was alright within a week post delivery.
I eventually got the hang of the baby department.
And, I told myself you’re going to do just fine!
So if you’re a new mom these feelings are normal. You would get there!
There are many reasons why we new moms get stressed. Here are some of them -
Responsibility -It's very overwhelming to have such a huge responsibility. It was always you and your husband and suddenly there is a tiny little baby who is solely your responsibility, who is only depending on you for everything.
Exhausted & Drained -You are already exhausted after coming home from the hospital. Physically & mentally. It is very tiring. Your body just underwent a huge change. You just gave birth to a baby. Try to get as much rest as you can. Sleep when your baby sleeps. Eat healthy food. Try to maintain a soft diet for the first two weeks post delivery and stay hydrated.
Breastfeeding- Oh god don’t even get me started here. The first few weeks they just want to stick to your boob. They need to cuddle up with you and snuggle with you. Get used to it. You don’t know if they are drinking milk or not or what is happening but yes this is also a part of it. So, you end up wondering if you are doing it correctly or not. Breastfeeding can be a real task at times. Get help! Ask your doctor or from other women at home. Read books about breastfeeding. Also, it’s perfectly ok to use formula milk once a day to give you some relaxation time and to increase the bonding between your baby and other members.
Your body post delivery-You stomach looks dreadful post delivery, be it if you had a c-section or a normal delivery. (I got the shock of my life). Well, morning sunshine! It took 9 months to get here it is going to take at least 1-½ years to get back in shape. Accept it. Don't go into these diet fads to shed all that baby weight. It would go eventually go, please don't let that be a reason for your stress or depression.
Lack of experience -You have no experience looking after a baby. That can be very scary! But you know, we have mothers and mother -in- laws to guide us and pull us through. Listen to them! They make sense. Follow their advice. They have been in your shoes. They know what they are doing.
Baby Blues - Many women undergo postpartum depression. These sad emotions pop up 2-3 days after you have a baby. It would last for about two weeks. Be positive about it and discuss it with your husband or family. Get help! Don’t isolate yourself. These sad emotions can really bring you down this can be really hard on you and your baby. Out of the blue you would start crying for some odd reason. Don’t stress yourself. You would eventually settle down. If it doesn’t, speak to your doctor about it.
Not everyone’s story is the same. For some it’s really easy, but for others it can be just the opposite. So hang in there.
Everything will be fine.
Just give it some time.
You got this!